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<title>Soon found out,Im just loosing my mind. by BitterBrooklynStreets</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28882812">Soon found out,Im just loosing my mind.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterBrooklynStreets/pseuds/BitterBrooklynStreets'>BitterBrooklynStreets</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>H.I.V.E. Series - Mark Walden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Hahahaha vent go brrr, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nero is sad, Other, Spoilers for Overlord Protocol, death mentions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:06:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28882812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterBrooklynStreets/pseuds/BitterBrooklynStreets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nero’s breakdowns are the worst when it comes to the lab incident a few years back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>None Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Soon found out,Im just loosing my mind.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a vent,Again as I mentioned.<br/>Triggers are in the tags but:<br/>Referenced/implied Self harm<br/>Breakdowns</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sometimes,Crying is the best form of self care:<br/>
You were drowning,My love.<br/>
Let it go”</p><p>It was about 2am<br/>
Something Nero found absolutely ridiculous as he paced around his office but given the fact he didn’t sleep an awful lot what should probably surprise him was how cold it was.<br/>
However given the fact it had been really hot during the day it was something he now was grateful for.<br/>
The doctor leaned over his desk and pulled out a bottle of water,Sitting down as he opened it;These last few days had been okay. He’d been doing really well and was determined to keep going like that.<br/>
Obviously Malpense was being a difficult little shit but that was just the way the kid was. It was incredibly infuriating,Yes,But in a fond way. </p><p>For some reason,Apparently. At around 3:00am he wandered over to the safe at the corner of the room. He was fighting a mental battle,He knew exactly what he wanted to do and he was doing so well,He hadn’t had a panic attack since the violet incident and even then it was a small one.</p><p>He knew the effects this would have on him but weirdly enough,He either:<br/>
Didn’t care or couldn’t stop himself. Hoping it was the latter as he punched in the numbers of the code on the keypad. His hands shaking as he did.<br/>
And eventually,He took the note and began to read.</p><p>||||||||||||| 15 years earlier ||||||||||</p><p>He couldn’t breathe. The oxygen was thinning out and his chest felt so tight.<br/>
He couldn’t think.<br/>
He couldn’t speak.<br/>
And at the minute he couldn’t tell what was what.</p><p> </p><p>“Xiu mei...”  He whimpered out,Crawling over on his knees as he watched her look up at him.<br/>
“Max”<br/>
God her voice was so weak.<br/>
“W-we’ll be okay” The doctor rasped out,Hair falling in-front of his face. His lungs felt compressed and he dug his nails into the floor.<br/>
“Xiu mei?”<br/>
He spoke again-weakly looking up and felt quickly beginning to feel sick,The light was fading from her eyes and quickly. He could barely hear her rasped breaths as the world seem to cave in around him.<br/>
Impatient little bastard<br/>
Was the one thought constantly going through his head. How he should’ve waited. </p><p>He needed happiness that badly.<br/>
He needed it so badly.<br/>
The fulfilment you got from doing a task.<br/>
And this was the price he paid.</p><p>||||||||||||</p><p>The raven haired male swallowed,he felt his throat tighten and he instantly shut his eyes.<br/>
Bad move.<br/>
All he could see was constant,Suffering,His friends dying and his chest was constricted again.<br/>
Breathe,Wing’s alive. He’s okay.<br/>
The doctor took a deep breath,Trying not to think. Thinking made it worse. Don’t think.</p><p>It was hard to not think. Sitting there. Watching the ceiling. Waiting for the sensation of everything to pass.</p><p>Then all hell broke loose.<br/>
Mentally that was.</p><p>He tried to refrain from crying too loud.<br/>
Fuck where did he put his hands.<br/>
What did he even do with them?<br/>
What happened if someone needed him?<br/>
Did he find raven?<br/>
What could she even do to help him?</p><p>He’d told her once how he felt.<br/>
Once where it was so bad he simply wanted to cease to exist.<br/>
Die? No.<br/>
He wanted nobody to remember him.<br/>
He wanted to slip away into oblivion,Wanted nobody to remember him.
Nobody remember me. He thought. Nobody remember me</p><p>Raven had of course advised him to go see somebody before it had spiralled out of control and he only ended up being self-destructive and doing real damage.<br/>
That (In his defence) had only been once.</p><p> </p><p>And of course he’d never gone to see anyone.<br/>
Why should people pity him? He brought it upon himself!</p><p>Eventually,His breakdown got worse and when he’d calmed down a bit. The worst he was left with was shaking and crying.<br/>
And he absolutely hated being this weak and vulnerable.<br/>
But in the end,What choice did he have?</p><p>It was his duty to take care of everyone else.<br/>
He looked after everyone else.<br/>
Nobody looked after him.</p><p>Maybe thats how it always would be.</p>
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